New Changes, New Beginnings, New Wisdom...perhaps?

Lets start by saying this blog needs some revamping. I haven't found the time to write or motivation to write in quite some time. I think to be motivated to write from here on out, this blog will have a few specific focuses....

What better than something about life transitions and new wisdom. To get you all caught up, lets rewind quick:

• I'm getting married in three short months
• I'm moving up north...today
• I finished grad school last Friday
• I accepted my dream job on Monday 

Maybe those are common transitions for a 24 year old. However, for me this is not normal. My life is quickly and drastically changing within the blink of my eyes. My identity of who I am is changing... yet, people tell me my identity is still the same. For instance, my first name is still the same, I'm still blonde, I still haven't grown in height, I haven't gained weight (thank god) and I still am obsessed with my pup. What an identity that is. All kidding aside, a lot of things have changed who I am. 

I quit my job two weeks ago, something I considered part of my identity for the last 6 years. While I was excited to be done working night shift and every other weekend, I dearly miss my friends that I worked with and I miss actually taking care of patients.

So now, my anxiety is even more uncontrollable because oh my gosh... I don't have a job, and I'm not bringing in money. YIKES! Well that was until I took a job on Monday. 

Then, school finished. I have been in school since I was in kindergarten. With school being done, I feel I am not being productive. Maybe its the fact that I honestly don't feel as if I am truly done with school yet, so I feel I should be productive doing something. 

Once school finished up I started packing. I am moving about three hours north. With that being said, I am leaving behind a lot of fabulous family, great friends, and AMAZING SHOPPING.... womp womp. My best friend said she'd make sure I didn't lose my fashion sense and would make sure every time I'm home visiting that we make sure to shop. Easy enough.. now that I have a job (again).

Lastly, my last name is changing in three months. Even though in a traditional United States family, the wife takes the husbands last name. This for me is so.... I don't know, I don't even have a feeling to label it as. I like my last name, I mean its the most common last name in the United States . How original. Not that I don't like my fiance's last name... it's a good last name--- if everyone could pronounce it right. Or, if I enjoyed how my cursive R's look when I sign his last name. (Keep in mind there are two R's in his last name) AND, part of me is just plain stubborn. I like my name, its who I am. It rolls off the tongue nicely, and it's done well for me so far. Enough of that subject. 

As I trek on up north, I will blog about how adapting to the "Northern Way of Life" works for me. So far, I learned to back up a trailer into a drive way. Wooop wooop! And, I can handle going crazy fast in a RZR over jumps. I call those two pretty huge successes. Ha! ;) 

I may also blog about the insight I have gained while working with kids in elementary school, middle school, and high school. My passion has always been to help and make a difference in other people's lives, and I have been given the opportunity to be a psychotherapist in schools as well as in a mental health clinic. 

This next journey I'm adventuring on will be all about passion and making dreams happen. 

Cheers for now-
K

April came in hot

I am down to 7 more months until I walk down the isle. How crazy that seems!

I have almost every wedding thing figured out, minus the cake. Other than that, everything is going smoothly...besides one HUGE thing- the guest list. I dreaded this day, the day to narrow down the guest list to accommodate to the reception's maximum limit of bodies and well, quite frankly, my parents, mine and Mark's wallets. So now to worry about hurting people's feelings.

Last week my bridesmaid's and I went to their dress fitting, it was a day to remember. When I asked all of the girls to be in my wedding I asked them with HIDEOUS old bridesmaid dresses... well that came to haunt me. Three of the girls showed up to the Wedding Shoppe wearing those hideous dresses. The looks that they got were outrageous, however, we sure got some great laughs from it! Thank you to the three of them for having the balls to wear those things in public!

My previous blog I had mentioned how I was going to use these final months until my wedding as a way to better myself. March was to forgive. Forgiving is a lot harder said than done. Maybe it's the constant disappointment or maybe I still am simply too stubborn. Who knows, I'll battle that later.

April is going to be a month focusing on how to handle change. My has my life changed in these past 7 days. Two days before Easter Mark told me he could potentially have a new job. Friday before Easter it was official, he had a new job. Tuesday he moved away. Needless to say this change has been very, very, very tough for me. I feel selfish to struggle with this so poorly when I know how happy Mark is. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond happy, excited, thrilled, and eager for this new adventure for Mark, for me, for us. Yet, I never ever realized how much Mark means to me until now. Was I blind to realize this, no. Was I naive, no. I think it comes down to you just don't realize how much someone means to you until they are gone. Now I know he is not "gone" for good, but he is gone. I cannot call him whenever I'd like, I cannot talk to him whenever I'd like and I most certainly cannot see him any moment I choose. So I am left with sadness because I miss him. Call me crazy if that sounds crazy, but I am crazy...crazy in love that is. (Eww, when did I turn so mushy gushy?)

For many people who know me, I can be very feministic at times. I told my mom yesterday how gross it is to feel like I need to depend on Mark, or rely on Mark. I don't want to do that, I am strong and independent... My mom reminded me that just because I feel like I'm depending on him, it really isn't that I'm DEPENDING on him, I am more missing the companionship. Sure, we will go with that.

So April, treat me well with this change. I know it won't be as big of a struggle for long. I will use this "alone" time to focus on my school and writing my final paper.

That's all for now, take care.

8 months to go.

Yippee, EIGHT, yep that's right, EIGHT more months until I marry the man of my dreams.

As I count down the months until I walk down the isle I have decided to dedicate each month to something, something to better myself, something to work towards, something to achieve.

This month I will start with forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a tough one for me in some instances. Maybe that's because I'm too stubborn. Or maybe I'm in too deep and not sure how to even get out of the hole. Better yet, maybe I'm not willing to be the bigger person and accept that people make mistakes. Lastly, forgiveness takes effort- effort to mend relationships that have gone much too far off the track.

Here it goes, I am going to start by forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for being so damn stubborn. Forgiving myself for being so obsessed with accomplishing WAY too many goals at once. I'm going to learn to relax, learn to take each day as it comes and accept each day as an opportunity at life. Sounds easy... is it really that easy? Probably not.

It's funny how often times so many people take life for granted. I know I'm not the only one who does this. The expression "take time to smell the roses" well I think it's a lot more complex than that. We as humans are expected to do this, do that, yet we forget about taking care of ourselves.  Taking time to smell the roses simply is telling us to breathe, slow down, and enjoy the day.

My next step after forgiving myself, is to forgive a few others. I think it will be hard, only because it will take a lot of courage to over come the feeling of vulnerability. I know that if you let a person in little by little most of the time good things can come from it. I'll go with that optimistic approach.


On another note, have you seen the Subaru commercial? It honestly makes me tear up every time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO6ztkW4ulw

When I watch it, it makes me think of my dad and I. Only, I think of it on my wedding day. You know, we get to the church and it is suppose to be an exciting time... (Don't get me wrong I will be SUPER excited) and my dad says "You ready?" I imagine I'll be like that little girl, biting my lower lip nervously and ready to cry, and he's there trying not to lose it. Then the time comes to walk me down the isle and he lets go of my hand to a new adventure. I think I will be just like that little girl. I get on that "bus" and giggle and laugh to a happy marriage, knowing that my dad is there smiling away proudly of the woman I've become- proud to know that I am safe and happy. Now, how does that not make you cry.

When the heck did I grow up?! Am I really old enough to have my dad give me away to another man? ;) It is comforting to know that no matter what, I will always be my daddy's little girl.

I hope this finds you well.
I hope to blog again soon.

-K

I'm ENGAGED!

Drum roll please...

Oops, a month late but none the less I am here to announce that I am engaged.

Maybe I should have thought of blogging about this right when it happened, however time slipped by.

On Saturday November 17th, Mark and I celebrated our 5th anniversary of dating! We were suppose to each plan a date and surprise one another with our dates. However, life swooped me off my feet and decided to make other arrangements. Needless to say, my "day date" never was planned.

Here's how it all went down:

I had worked the night before and went straight to bridesmaid dress shopping for my cousins wedding on Saturday. After dress shopping all of us girls went out to lunch. I got home around 3 and snoozed for a quick 45 minutes. Mark told me we had to leave "no later than 4:30" to make our dinner plans.

I'm normally not like every other girl who takes forever to get ready but somehow I was not ready at 4:30. We left about 4:35 and we headed downtown to Ruth's Chris for dinner. We first had to stop at the Hilton Hotel to check in. Since we were already late, Mark felt super rushed.

When we got to the front desk of the hotel they asked for our name, Mark said his name and the guy goes "Oh you already checked in?" Mark did a quick "NO!" my sleepy night shift brain never thought this was odd, I just assumed Mark was rude because we were in a hurry. (Hint one)

Once we got checked in the hotel dude said "You are all checked in, you have access to the executive lounge with free drinks, appitizers, and breakfast" [my thought process: sweet!]

We then ran down the street to Ruth's Chris for dinner. When we got there they were waiting for us with a nice "Happy anniversary!"

However, awkwardly enough when we got to the table it had heart confetti on it. I remember telling Mark "oh my gosh they think its our wedding anniversary" We awkwardly laughed. THEN.... the waitress came and said "Happy 5th wedding anniversary Mr. and Mrs. Schroeder!" OH MY GOSH... NO!!! Mark and I just giggled and kept it to ourselves.

While eating dinner Mark made a comment about how he should have flown me to Disney World like his boss had said (Hint two). It just blew over my head, once again thanks to night shift brain.

After dinner we walked back to the hotel to drop left overs off. Our room was at the very top floor. This was super exciting to me, however my brain started clicking. I asked Mark "how much did you pay for this room, I need to pay half. How did you get a suite?" He came up with some lame excuse, yet, I bought it.

Our room number was 2504, my two lucky numbers...25 and 4. I knew it was my lucky night. Once we walked into the room we could not find lights at all. Then I turned an noticed something on the bed. I instantly asked "What is on the bed?" When I turned, Mark was on his knee with the box.... he then asked me to marry him. I instantly slapped the top of the ring box down and said yes. (Automatic response) Then he goes "Well are you going to look at the ring?"  Oooh, good call!

Right after I said yes I called all my family and friends and skipped and jumped all around the room while Mark just sat there and took it all in. Such a great guy! :)

So the rest is history! ;)

It's crazy to think that I've been engaged for over a month now... it still doesn't seem real to me. I've waited for this to happen for SO long and now it's finally real! We have already booked our church, reception, photographer and dj. We jumped right on the planning wagon. Now we are at a stand still for a while.

I still have no motivation to go try on wedding dresses... maybe motivation should not be the right word. However, it's not something I'm really looking forward to or that excited to do. Soon though, soon!

Anyways, that is all for now.

Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and have a Happy Happy New Year full of new and fun beginnings!

-Kayla

A stinkin' good laugh

I came across this today and I literally laughed out loud.

The topic... FARTS!


Here is the link to the story, seriously you will laugh. Check it out. Enjoy!

http://hahasforhoohas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/

Age is just another number

Greetings!


First off let's just start by pointing out that I am blogging and it didn't take me 3 months from the previous one. Woohoo! If it wasn't for a friend, I probably wouldn't have thought of it. Let's see where my thoughts lead me today.

Actually wait, today's post is about age. I am at the ripe old age of 23.5. That in my mind is pretty old. However, when I truly put things into perspective that is pretty young.

In class the other day we were discussing how people first judge you depending on your age, or how you look. Ah, yes! Judging, everyone does it whether or not it is in a harmful way or not. I'm guilty of it, you are too. We were talking about how client's may perceive a therapist based on how young they look. For instance, when I am done with grad school next year I will be 24. Many people who come into therapy could instantly think "What on earth does this girl have to teach me about life?" You're right, I get it. However, I don't think my age has an excuse to not experience pain, suffering, struggles or defeat. I think I have experienced every one of those emotions in my 4 years of undergrad. Does that give me an excuse to "teach you how to live your life" probably not, but it does give a person an understanding that I am human and I my self do not live a perfect life either.

Another example would be this patient I had last week. He was a male in his 50's who initially pinned me as another "non-educated 20 something year old."  The first words out of his mouth were literally "So why did you chose to be a nursing assistant and not go onto school to be a nurse or something?" Don't worry readers, I get this often from white middle-class people. Well, to be completely honest it has made me very embarrassed to say I am JUST a nursing assistant. I'd love to tell people off, but I nicely always put them to shame by simply saying "I'm a nursing assistant because its helping me pay my way through grad school, and I happen to actually like helping people." Yep, quiet down rude nose-y patient, I really am not as non-educated or intellectually stupid as you thought.

Simple judging is often times very inaccurate. It also leads you to looking like a fool too when you open your mouth. This patient proceeded on to tell me that "so many people in your generation are not doing anything with their lives" Once again, good judgement, but he was wrong. I'm pretty sure each and everyone of my friends, or people I know are going to college, went to college, have good paying jobs and are actually making their dreams realities. Age, simply should not discriminate how powerful someone could be.

Onto something else in regards to age. I recently had an epiphany of some sorts. I realized how being young is actually quite amazing. I have so many dreams, that hey, why not make them a reality. Which leads me onto my next epiphany, starting next year I am going to do ONE thing that puts me out of my comfort zone each day. Challenging maybe, maybe not. I am going to do it. Some may wonder why I am going to wait a year, but quite honestly I do not have time to do things for myself at the moment.

There is a song by Ed Sheeran and the lyrics hit just right:

"They tell me you can only dream when you fell asleep But now I'm working to achieve, but sleep is the only thing I never see" 

 This its truly my life at the moment. While I think of grad school as another thing to do, it really is a step towards making my dreams a reality. I work my butt for this to happen, which ultimately leaves me with not much of a social life. This in my mind is just a stepping stone. I am so eager and excited to see where life takes me in a year.

I wish more people had the courage to believe in their dreams. Who is to say you cannot make a dream happen? Don't let people tell you "you can't" because you CAN! If it is going to start with one person telling you that you can, let it be me. Chase your dreams, nothing can stop you if you believe in yourself.

Enough from me tonight.

-Kayla

oops, I have a blog?

Hi all,

I am back. A month late, but none the less I am back. July flew by. I'm not even sure exactly if I experienced it. According to my calander I have up in my room it is still June. Yep, I haven't gotten around to changing it.It's crazy how fast time flies by as you get older.

Speaking of older, I am not exactly sure who gave me the idea that growing up into adulthood would be amazing, but whoever it was, was an idiot. I probably think at least 15 times a day how much fun being a kid was. Adulthood, not so much. At least for my experience. I truly think it is so stressful. Maybe my constant working and going to grad school has a huge factor in that opinion, but when does it get easy? Does it get easier? I hope so.

To catch you up on life, two weeks ago my family and I put down the most beloved dog in the universe. I have never experienced something as painful as that. My mind constantly wonders, does he like it in heaven? Is he suntanning on a dock in heaven? Has he met new friends, is he lonely? I'm not sure I should even write about him yet. My heart is still heavy with sadness. He was a great dog, everyone that met him would agree. McGuire, the best dog ever,ever. The one and only single reason I can say its best that he is gone, is the smell. I don't miss that smell. However, Mauer's breath has started to smell... maybe he feels he needs to do somethings to help feel like McGuire is still with us........ although, I'll pass on that.

My last post I was about to start P90x. Well, I am now on week 7. To be quite frank about it, I see absolutely NO difference in my body. Whomp Whomp. I have seen it work for friends, but I am slightly discouraged and would like my 180 dollars back. Hope this doesn't discourage you from trying it though, you never know you could get a body of a Goddess.

Onto newsworthy things. Maybe this isn't even newsworthy, but rather get your mind rollin.

Yesterday while on my way home from work the radio stations were buzzing over some dumbass' "schollarly" input. A sociologist, Catherine Hakim sugguested that extra-marital affairs actually strengthen a marriage. I cannot believe someone would even think this. Currently in the United States alone the divorce rates are sky high. According to researchers, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. YIKES! So this bimbo that wrote this in my mind is an idiot. Of those statistics on divorce, 17% of marriages end because of adultery.

Think of how insecure people are in general. Let alone, add another person into the mix of a marriage and bam! You just automatically set yourself up for even more insecurities. This ultimately leads to a non-trusting marraige and ultimately leads to divorce.

As you can see, I do NOT tollerate cheating. That's enough of that.

Here is the link of that article:
http://www.dnaindia.com/lifestyle/report_an-affair-can-save-a-marriage-says-sociologist_1730853


More exciting things, the Minnesota Get Together... aka the Minnesota State Fair is just a day away. I can hardly wait. I love the state fair! It's amazing to me that people could honestly not enjoy the fair. The sights... oh the sights you will see... commonly refered to as odd human beings. That makes me wonder, do people think I am odd when they see me? ;)

The new exciting foods for this year are anything but diet worthy.

Let's see, there is bacon ice cream, spaghetti on a stick, red velvet funnel cake, and so much more. Oh wait, Mark will enjoy this... this year there is sushi. Maybe he will try that. Seriously though, the only heathy thing there is really just a pickle. YUM! If you're a healthy, food eating, body conscious person, AVOID the fair. Unless you are just there to walk the entire time and sip on water. If that's your cup of tea, more power to you. However, I will be endulging all of my favorite fattening foods I can get my parents to pay for. Yep, I said it... anything my parents will pay for. hehe!

Here is the link to see all the new food creations this year:
http://www.mnstatefair.org/fun/12_new_food.html

That's enough for now. Maybe I'll be back before September. We shall see.

I'm off to do exciting things now... commonly refered to as working.

-Kayla