I am down to 7 more months until I walk down the isle. How crazy that seems!
I have almost every wedding thing figured out, minus the cake. Other than that, everything is going smoothly...besides one HUGE thing- the guest list. I dreaded this day, the day to narrow down the guest list to accommodate to the reception's maximum limit of bodies and well, quite frankly, my parents, mine and Mark's wallets. So now to worry about hurting people's feelings.
Last week my bridesmaid's and I went to their dress fitting, it was a day to remember. When I asked all of the girls to be in my wedding I asked them with HIDEOUS old bridesmaid dresses... well that came to haunt me. Three of the girls showed up to the Wedding Shoppe wearing those hideous dresses. The looks that they got were outrageous, however, we sure got some great laughs from it! Thank you to the three of them for having the balls to wear those things in public!
My previous blog I had mentioned how I was going to use these final months until my wedding as a way to better myself. March was to forgive. Forgiving is a lot harder said than done. Maybe it's the constant disappointment or maybe I still am simply too stubborn. Who knows, I'll battle that later.
April is going to be a month focusing on how to handle change. My has my life changed in these past 7 days. Two days before Easter Mark told me he could potentially have a new job. Friday before Easter it was official, he had a new job. Tuesday he moved away. Needless to say this change has been very, very, very tough for me. I feel selfish to struggle with this so poorly when I know how happy Mark is. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond happy, excited, thrilled, and eager for this new adventure for Mark, for me, for us. Yet, I never ever realized how much Mark means to me until now. Was I blind to realize this, no. Was I naive, no. I think it comes down to you just don't realize how much someone means to you until they are gone. Now I know he is not "gone" for good, but he is gone. I cannot call him whenever I'd like, I cannot talk to him whenever I'd like and I most certainly cannot see him any moment I choose. So I am left with sadness because I miss him. Call me crazy if that sounds crazy, but I am crazy...crazy in love that is. (Eww, when did I turn so mushy gushy?)
For many people who know me, I can be very feministic at times. I told my mom yesterday how gross it is to feel like I need to depend on Mark, or rely on Mark. I don't want to do that, I am strong and independent... My mom reminded me that just because I feel like I'm depending on him, it really isn't that I'm DEPENDING on him, I am more missing the companionship. Sure, we will go with that.
So April, treat me well with this change. I know it won't be as big of a struggle for long. I will use this "alone" time to focus on my school and writing my final paper.
That's all for now, take care.
