New Changes, New Beginnings, New Wisdom...perhaps?

Lets start by saying this blog needs some revamping. I haven't found the time to write or motivation to write in quite some time. I think to be motivated to write from here on out, this blog will have a few specific focuses....

What better than something about life transitions and new wisdom. To get you all caught up, lets rewind quick:

• I'm getting married in three short months
• I'm moving up north...today
• I finished grad school last Friday
• I accepted my dream job on Monday 

Maybe those are common transitions for a 24 year old. However, for me this is not normal. My life is quickly and drastically changing within the blink of my eyes. My identity of who I am is changing... yet, people tell me my identity is still the same. For instance, my first name is still the same, I'm still blonde, I still haven't grown in height, I haven't gained weight (thank god) and I still am obsessed with my pup. What an identity that is. All kidding aside, a lot of things have changed who I am. 

I quit my job two weeks ago, something I considered part of my identity for the last 6 years. While I was excited to be done working night shift and every other weekend, I dearly miss my friends that I worked with and I miss actually taking care of patients.

So now, my anxiety is even more uncontrollable because oh my gosh... I don't have a job, and I'm not bringing in money. YIKES! Well that was until I took a job on Monday. 

Then, school finished. I have been in school since I was in kindergarten. With school being done, I feel I am not being productive. Maybe its the fact that I honestly don't feel as if I am truly done with school yet, so I feel I should be productive doing something. 

Once school finished up I started packing. I am moving about three hours north. With that being said, I am leaving behind a lot of fabulous family, great friends, and AMAZING SHOPPING.... womp womp. My best friend said she'd make sure I didn't lose my fashion sense and would make sure every time I'm home visiting that we make sure to shop. Easy enough.. now that I have a job (again).

Lastly, my last name is changing in three months. Even though in a traditional United States family, the wife takes the husbands last name. This for me is so.... I don't know, I don't even have a feeling to label it as. I like my last name, I mean its the most common last name in the United States . How original. Not that I don't like my fiance's last name... it's a good last name--- if everyone could pronounce it right. Or, if I enjoyed how my cursive R's look when I sign his last name. (Keep in mind there are two R's in his last name) AND, part of me is just plain stubborn. I like my name, its who I am. It rolls off the tongue nicely, and it's done well for me so far. Enough of that subject. 

As I trek on up north, I will blog about how adapting to the "Northern Way of Life" works for me. So far, I learned to back up a trailer into a drive way. Wooop wooop! And, I can handle going crazy fast in a RZR over jumps. I call those two pretty huge successes. Ha! ;) 

I may also blog about the insight I have gained while working with kids in elementary school, middle school, and high school. My passion has always been to help and make a difference in other people's lives, and I have been given the opportunity to be a psychotherapist in schools as well as in a mental health clinic. 

This next journey I'm adventuring on will be all about passion and making dreams happen. 

Cheers for now-
K

April came in hot

I am down to 7 more months until I walk down the isle. How crazy that seems!

I have almost every wedding thing figured out, minus the cake. Other than that, everything is going smoothly...besides one HUGE thing- the guest list. I dreaded this day, the day to narrow down the guest list to accommodate to the reception's maximum limit of bodies and well, quite frankly, my parents, mine and Mark's wallets. So now to worry about hurting people's feelings.

Last week my bridesmaid's and I went to their dress fitting, it was a day to remember. When I asked all of the girls to be in my wedding I asked them with HIDEOUS old bridesmaid dresses... well that came to haunt me. Three of the girls showed up to the Wedding Shoppe wearing those hideous dresses. The looks that they got were outrageous, however, we sure got some great laughs from it! Thank you to the three of them for having the balls to wear those things in public!

My previous blog I had mentioned how I was going to use these final months until my wedding as a way to better myself. March was to forgive. Forgiving is a lot harder said than done. Maybe it's the constant disappointment or maybe I still am simply too stubborn. Who knows, I'll battle that later.

April is going to be a month focusing on how to handle change. My has my life changed in these past 7 days. Two days before Easter Mark told me he could potentially have a new job. Friday before Easter it was official, he had a new job. Tuesday he moved away. Needless to say this change has been very, very, very tough for me. I feel selfish to struggle with this so poorly when I know how happy Mark is. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond happy, excited, thrilled, and eager for this new adventure for Mark, for me, for us. Yet, I never ever realized how much Mark means to me until now. Was I blind to realize this, no. Was I naive, no. I think it comes down to you just don't realize how much someone means to you until they are gone. Now I know he is not "gone" for good, but he is gone. I cannot call him whenever I'd like, I cannot talk to him whenever I'd like and I most certainly cannot see him any moment I choose. So I am left with sadness because I miss him. Call me crazy if that sounds crazy, but I am crazy...crazy in love that is. (Eww, when did I turn so mushy gushy?)

For many people who know me, I can be very feministic at times. I told my mom yesterday how gross it is to feel like I need to depend on Mark, or rely on Mark. I don't want to do that, I am strong and independent... My mom reminded me that just because I feel like I'm depending on him, it really isn't that I'm DEPENDING on him, I am more missing the companionship. Sure, we will go with that.

So April, treat me well with this change. I know it won't be as big of a struggle for long. I will use this "alone" time to focus on my school and writing my final paper.

That's all for now, take care.

8 months to go.

Yippee, EIGHT, yep that's right, EIGHT more months until I marry the man of my dreams.

As I count down the months until I walk down the isle I have decided to dedicate each month to something, something to better myself, something to work towards, something to achieve.

This month I will start with forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a tough one for me in some instances. Maybe that's because I'm too stubborn. Or maybe I'm in too deep and not sure how to even get out of the hole. Better yet, maybe I'm not willing to be the bigger person and accept that people make mistakes. Lastly, forgiveness takes effort- effort to mend relationships that have gone much too far off the track.

Here it goes, I am going to start by forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for being so damn stubborn. Forgiving myself for being so obsessed with accomplishing WAY too many goals at once. I'm going to learn to relax, learn to take each day as it comes and accept each day as an opportunity at life. Sounds easy... is it really that easy? Probably not.

It's funny how often times so many people take life for granted. I know I'm not the only one who does this. The expression "take time to smell the roses" well I think it's a lot more complex than that. We as humans are expected to do this, do that, yet we forget about taking care of ourselves.  Taking time to smell the roses simply is telling us to breathe, slow down, and enjoy the day.

My next step after forgiving myself, is to forgive a few others. I think it will be hard, only because it will take a lot of courage to over come the feeling of vulnerability. I know that if you let a person in little by little most of the time good things can come from it. I'll go with that optimistic approach.


On another note, have you seen the Subaru commercial? It honestly makes me tear up every time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO6ztkW4ulw

When I watch it, it makes me think of my dad and I. Only, I think of it on my wedding day. You know, we get to the church and it is suppose to be an exciting time... (Don't get me wrong I will be SUPER excited) and my dad says "You ready?" I imagine I'll be like that little girl, biting my lower lip nervously and ready to cry, and he's there trying not to lose it. Then the time comes to walk me down the isle and he lets go of my hand to a new adventure. I think I will be just like that little girl. I get on that "bus" and giggle and laugh to a happy marriage, knowing that my dad is there smiling away proudly of the woman I've become- proud to know that I am safe and happy. Now, how does that not make you cry.

When the heck did I grow up?! Am I really old enough to have my dad give me away to another man? ;) It is comforting to know that no matter what, I will always be my daddy's little girl.

I hope this finds you well.
I hope to blog again soon.

-K