Field of Dreams

For some, baseball season has just begun.

However that is not the case for my brother, or Mark.

My brother's senior year of high school baseball ended last night. I can only imagine how it felt for him to know his senior year of his favorite sport came to an end. Fortunately for him, he will be playing college baseball to continue on the journey playing his favorite sport. With that being said I'm sure it was still a surreal feeling.

Mark's season is coming to an end as well... senior year of college, senior year of baseball. I think when his season truly does end he will be very sad. I don't know what it is like to grow up playing baseball since you were a wee little guy playing baseball, to being a 22 year old college player who is "hanging" up the glove. I'm sure it will be emotional for him... his dream was to play baseball and college and he got that opportunity! Even though his college career wasn't always smooth sailing, he handled himself with so much dignity, and always was modest. With the past two years of ball not being at all what he had anticipated, or expected he has been so mature about the whole situation that I truly look up for him! ( Since he is so mature I will do all the Sh!t talking for him, I'm really good at that) ;) It's sad to see how we will say 'goodbye' to baseball here soon, and yes I say WE. I have been dating Mark for his whole college career. His freshman year I didn't miss a game, and only missed a few his sophomore year. Junior and Senior year I'd try to make it to every game possible. I hated to miss his games.... and him being a pitcher didn't mean I'd get to see him play in every game.... that didn't matter to my family or I we were just proud to show our support!


There is a joke between Mark and I for all the cold cold cold games I have been to, for all of the LONG long LONG car rides I have driven to see him... play...or better yet sit on the bench. The joke is that my diamond ring better be big.... cost ooddles and ooodles of money... so basically every time I frigidly shake while watching him play or not I increase the carat size of my diamond. This is all fun and jokes, because honestly I wouldn't miss a game of his for the world. Watching him and supporting him brings joy to myself, and I think he appreciates it.

Some of my favorite memories with Mark are at baseball games of his, with him and his teammates, and road trips to watch his games. I got the privilege of traveling far for his games, when they made it to the College World Series his freshman year I road tripped with his mom, dad, and sister. The joke from his little sister is that I "slept the whole way and only woke up once to take pictures!" His sophomore year I road tripped with my mom to the College World Series again, we had fun singing the whole way there and back, and just talking about life. Flying to Arizona with Mark's mom was fun, and extending our stay because of a winter storm was just fine with me. I will cherish the memories of watching Mark play, and can only hope he remembers and cherishes these college years.

As for my brother, he still gets to fulfill his dreams of playing ball. I can only wish, hope, and pray so much success for him! I wish him the best, and cannot WAIT to watch him play college baseball. I also believe he should be so proud of his hard work and dedication that has blessed him with this opportunity. I know my parents are extremely proud.

I wrote a poem for both Alex and Mark, let me warn you it is nothing special nor is it all that good, but I thought I would share it with you all!!!

Field of Dreams

As a young boy you are placed on a team

For the purpose of fulfilling every dad’s dreams

Standing in the field anxious as can be

Wishing “I hope the ball comes to me”

As the ball bounces over the glove

Proud moms and dads can only encourage with love

The years go by and teams come and go

The friendships you make will go far, everyone knows

Fields full of dreams, hoping to succeed

The passion of the game continues to proceed

With all the passion and goals of the game

Determination will create the next step in the game

Up to bat bases are loaded Tied for the championship game

Pressure is on, fans are cheering

All the adrenaline has got you fearing failure

All goes quiet as you make contact with the bat and the ball

Everyone’s watching as the ball goes over the wall

As you cross home plate off your grand slam

You look up in the stands and see your dad

Proud as can be with a smile on his face

You can only smile knowing you made him so proud

Times fly by and your off to college

Playing college ball was only a dream you had as a child

Great work ethic and determination

Lead you to that destination

Games won and games lost

The passion for the game never gets lost

Fields full of dreams

A team full of friends that now will become your family

Never forget them and never mistreat them

For everyone on the team has the same dream

Working together will create success

That’s when fields full of dreams become a reality everyone knows best

It all started out as a dads dream

To have a son play on a baseball team

Now it’s the boy who has accomplished the dad’s dreams

While creating his own while playing on a team

Baseball is forever and always

The memories will be cherished for the rest of your life

Remember When....

I just got home from work and my mind is racing. It was such an emotional night, I sat in a 1:1 with a combative, confused, lost, anxious Russian woman who has Alzheimer's disease.

As many of you know, my favorite people I have ever met in my life are little old ladies and little old men who have dementia or Alzheimer's disease.... so my heart felt love goes deep for these people.

This patient not only was beyond confused, but had not a clue about the English language. She not only didn't know what I was saying or trying to say to her, but she didn't know what I was doing to her. In my mind I could only think of how scared she must be. We tried to have a translator talk to her but she was SO confused that it didn't help. The worst thing was, she had no family. (this breaks my heart)

While I continuously tried to help her and make her comfortable, change her brief, get blood or to even try to feed her I was getting my ass kicked. It took at times 3 to 4 nurses to help hold her arms down, to hold her legs down while she just sobbed and screamed. It was just heartbreaking....

I have such fond memories of the last 3 years that I have worked with the elderly, and can only smile with tears in my eyes of special memories with specific people. The joy that they brought to my life will always make a lasting impression.... I can only hope that someday I too can put that type of influence, impression, joy, and love into other people's lives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLl8YdXv4R4&feature=related
This link is a short documentary Alzheimer's disease that I found and thought I'd share... let me warn you it is sad.

The disease is sad, any form of dementia is sad... but I truly believe they are the most special people in the world. I wish everyone could experience the different experiences I have with those types of people. You would learn so much, and how it truly is the simple things that matter most, so cherish them, they will be lasting memories.

With this being said I think Everyone needs to read the book called Still Alice by Lisa Genova. It is the greatest book I have yet to read. It is about a professor that is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and what life is like from a person with Alzheimer's, it is such a great book. Grab some tissues because you will be balling.

Random Rainy Day thoughts

"There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever."


If you are curious where this quote came from I recently got caught up on my shows and this was the opening quote of once again Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy. I think this is true, falling in love is so exciting yet, being alone to prevent a heart break sounds SO much easier.

Anyways this post isn't to express my opinions on love, just found this quote fascinating because so many people fight to make a relationship last, that I think this quote explains why so many people don't want to fall in love!

“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.”


here are a few of my top favorite songs of the moment that I'd like to share:

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ5IIDn_JXE
Jason Aldean: Red Dirt Anthem
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVrSChJPfhw
Leighton Meester ft. Garret Hedlund: Give into Me
3.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4xY__FoDzY
Amos Lee: Windows are Rolled Down
4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FtvF4k2QaQ&feature=related
Amos Lee: Colors
5.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8R399dzIHU
Mumford & Sons: Awake My Soul
6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AW9C3-qWug
Adele: Someone Like You
7. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G0_eN36QVc
Lissie: When I'm Alone
8. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Opw8I6UTpGo&feature=related
Ray LaMontagne: For The Summer
9. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU6OU1LJv1E
Jack Johnson: From The Clouds
10. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPuqA94-qCo
Matt Nathanson: Faster
11. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKqDaA1InEE&feature=related
Matt Nathanson: Wedding Dress
12. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeCClzNCfcA
John Mayer: Heartbreak Warfare
13. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLAseDl9umw
THIS ONE NEVER CAN GET OLD!!!!! Van Morrison: Days like This

That's all for now, enjoy your rainy weekend!!!

a great time to snuggle up and watch good movies!!! :)

4 years in a nut shell

On Saturday I graduated from College!Here is a picture of Mark and I on Graduation day! (He had a baseball game, which is why he is not dressed up!)

I consider myself one of the lucky ones to finish "on time." On time, meaning in 4 years or less!

It doesn't seem like much of a big deal to me, its just a mile marker down in my eyes. I'm not done with school for good, so this "all done with school thing" is a tease for me! Oh well, great things will come with Grad School so I look forward to my new adventures with school, I think great big things are in store for me!

I've learned a LOT in the last four years. I can't tell you what I learned in Anatomy Class Freshman year at Mankato, but I can tell you... don't go to class hung over, you won't learn anything that way! ;) I can't tell you I learned much in Chemistry either... make sure to put "cheat" sheet notes in the calculator so you remember how to do the calculations.

No, this blog isn't to tell you of all the 'bad' things I did in college, I would like to consider myself a pretty well behaved college student. I studied hard, got good grades, didn't get pregnant in college, and I found who I was!

Freshman year I started at Mankato, first thing I learned...dorms SUCK! I remember move in day like it was yesterday, rainy, muggy and hot! I remember texting a specific boy saying "I'm kinda nervous, what if this isn't what I expect?!" Pretending to be super excited for the parents was easy, however I remember being scared! Moving in we were sweating it was awful. Maybe the rainy day we had should have been taken as a sign how freshman year would go.... miserable, drove up to the cabin 3 days after I moved in.... transferred after fall semester.

I learned dorm food sucks also. My mom had to call and remind me to eat there.... "that meal plan was a lot of money" blah blah blah! The fact that food sat out for people to touch, cough, sneeze on sounds just as disturbing as it did then as it does now. Needless to say, I didn't eat there much!

I also learned people change... this was the toughest thing for me to learn. Its funny to look back and think of how much I liked someone & how relationships don't last & how fast things change. Or to think of how much "friends" from high school...actually aren't your friends in college. I think it is depressing to see how much people change, well some change is good. I feel that I changed a lot in those few months of being away at school... I was growing up, maturing, and finding who I really was.

I met great friends who I still call my friends. I had great laughs with them, and lasting memories. There are a specific memories that I still look back at and laugh out loud. Those are the best! I think freshman year offered a lot of events that lead me to great places in my life. Freshman year is when I also started dating Mark, luckily for me I still have him!

Sophomore year was kinda dull, more like a blur. I do remember driving down to Iowa a lot to watch Mark's baseball games. I have met great guys on that team some of which I consider great friends of mine. The "DMACC" days as Mark and I refer to them as were the greatest college memories I have had by far. The friendships and memories created there are irreplaceable.

Junior year, I made the dumbest decision of my life... move to Fargo. Junior year was by far way worse than my freshman year at Mankato. Fargo should have never been a place I moved to. It wasn't the right fit for me, nor did it make me happy. For the events that have happened in Fargo, I will forever HATE Fargo. Fargo made me realize how much I appreciated my family being close to me, how much I truly appreciated my REAL friends, and how great the friends I had really are!

My main goal that year: GET OUT FAST!

Fast was my main mission Senior year of college. I got out of there after Fall semester and moved back home in December. Senior year wasn't fun either, lots of drama...things I thought I was forever done with once I walked out of the doors of my high school however that wasn't the case.

College may seem like it wasn't that much fun for me... four years later, four colleges later...I'm done. That is truly what matters. Its between the pages that meant the most to me. I have memories with friends that I will cherish forever. I have great friends that I know will be my friends for life. I have had laughs that gave me just as much of a side ache now as they did a long time ago. Most of all I can smile when I look back on the things I have witnessed and experience since my freshman year of college.

I learned what it was like to have my heart broken. What love felt like. What friendship truly is. Most of all I have learned what it means to be me. I know what my goals and ambitions are in life, I have dreams to chase from here on out, and intend to chase them.

Katherine Anne Porter once said: " Don't sidestep suffering. You have to go through it to get where you're going."

With that being said, my new motto in life is "Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order." - Samuel Beckett.